


All the Witcher Jaskiers I've seen before me passing by

by brothebro



Series: Into the Jaskierverse [15]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BAMF Jaskier | Dandelion, Beta Read, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Into the Jaskierverse, Light Angst, Light Sexual Innuendos, Light Swearing, Multi, Multiverse, Witcher Jaskier | Dandelion, all the world cast is dumb tm, glamours and shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:48:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26991676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brothebro/pseuds/brothebro
Summary: The stranger witcher secures his crossbow on a holster on his hip and trudges towards them fists clenched and pitch-black potioned eyes filled with fury. Geralt’s gaze lingers a bit on the man; wide shoulders giving the impression of a strong stature, long brown hair tied in a low ponytail, a neatly cropped beard, many many facial scars, a bear medallion hanging from his neck. And an absolutely furious and betrayed expression painted on his features.They accidentally stole his contract, didn’t they?Fuck.
Relationships: Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Series: Into the Jaskierverse [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1895545
Comments: 22
Kudos: 227





	All the Witcher Jaskiers I've seen before me passing by

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome! I offer a rather short yet packed full of bad jokes fic :D  
> Hope you enjoy <3

Geralt lands in what must be the ugliest part of the Continent, covered in mud, grime and dead leaves. Fucking Velen. By the chill in the air and the decomposing yellow and orange leaves on the ground he assumes that Autumn laid its roots on the lands of this universe.

From a quick first look this world seems similar to their own; the crumbling tower Geralt fought a Katakan in some winters ago, is in the exact shape and state he remembers. Images of the last world they were in, of that version of Jaskier, of the train, that massive machine of transportation, of moonshine and Lambert and Eskel’s songs. He idly wonders how different the current world is going to be, if there will be something to surprise him; not a lot can after what- ten? Eleven, transdimensional travels? 

Ciri is beside him looking no better than himself, her eyes weary from the travel. 

Geralt looks at Ciri knowingly and she holds the swallow pendant close to her heart. She looks up to him, presses her lips into a thin line and shakes her head.

Fuck. 

They landed somewhere completely random this time. No Jaskier in sight-- according to the silent pendant at least. He just hopes this universe is at least somewhat the same as theirs and they can find their way to the closest point of civilization as easy as possible. 

If it's indeed like their Velen that means- 

His trail of thought gets cut off by several screams coming from all directions, deafening in his sensitive ears. His medallion starts humming furiously and he knows for certain they are in deep shit. 

He unsheathes his silver sword and gets back to back with Ciri who's looking ready for battle too. 

A pack of wolves surrounds them, approaching slow and predatory, eyes shining and mouths snarling, dripping saliva. While the beasts are extremely dangerous, they are not the ones that set off his medallion. No, if his senses aren't mistaken, a leshen is about to make an appearance amidst the wild ferocious animals. 

Crows shriek up ahead, a cloud of black feathers and the world becomes suddenly so dark. 

He closes his eyes briefly and concentrates, smelling the thick rotten stench of the spirit. Pinpointing where it appears, he moves rapidly before it can teleport and thrusts his silver sword in its spine.

The beasts shriek, a cacophony of howlings, crowing mixed with the unnatural metallic sound of the spirit. 

Ciri cuts and slashes expertly at the rest of the foes and soon enough their chances of survival seem just a smidge better than before.

And then a Witcher comes rushing through the mud and the low vegetation. He yells a bunch of profanities, a crossbow ready at his hands loads a bolt and fires it, piercing the spirit's bony cranium with a shattering sound. 

The remaining wolves and crows scatter whimpering into the sparse assortment of trees. 

"What the fuck was that," Ciri whispers under her breath.

"Velen," Geralt sighs, "fucking Velen."

The stranger witcher secures his crossbow on a holster on his hip and trudges towards them fists clenched and pitch-black potioned eyes filled with fury. Geralt’s gaze lingers a bit on the man; wide shoulders giving the impression of a strong stature, long brown hair tied in a low ponytail, a neatly cropped beard, many  _ many  _ facial scars _ ,  _ a bear medallion hanging from his neck. And an absolutely furious and betrayed expression painted on his features. 

_ They accidentally stole his contract, didn’t they? _

_ Fuck. _

“What the bloody fuck are you doing here, Geralt?” the witcher growls and Geralt can’t help but think there’s something familiar about the man’s voice.  _ Could it be? _ “You fucking promised me you’ll fucking rest you bloody bastard! Last thing I need is you pulling your stitches again! Again, Geralt!” the witcher, no, this universe’s Jaskier, Geralt realises by the way the man says his name, yells at him, “And you brought Ciri with you for backup?”

“Jas-,” Geralt tries to calm the witcher down but to no avail.

“No no no no no, you don’t get to Jaskier me! After all these years I thought you trusted me to take care of a contract by myself,” Jaskier sounds pained and Geralt wonders silently what the relationship between this universe’s Geralt and Jaskier is this time. Jaskier turns to Ciri, “And you sweetheart, why do you listen to your old pop’s antics? You were supposed to be spending time with that An Craite girl you fancy for a while.” 

“Wait. You’ve got it wrong,” Ciri says.

Jaskier arches a brow and Geralt elaborates, “You’re not my Jaskier.”

“You came all this way to tell me you want to divorce me?” Jaskier shrieks. 

_ What. Divorce? What???  _

“I’m married to you?” Geralt breathes and rubs soothing circles at his temples. That’s - That’s quite  _ something _ . Certainly. “And you’re a witcher again, of course, you are,” he whispers under his breath.

But then again all those other universes… 

“What do you mean you bloody whoreson? Thirteen fucking years.  _ Thirteen _ ,” the witcher before Geralt stresses at every word. He pauses, his eyes scanning Geralt and Ciri both from head to toe, confusion replacing anger on his features. “Melitele’s plump buttocks, the resemblance is uncanny but-- no, Geralt doesn’t have that scar… you’re not my Geralt and you’re not my daughter. Are you? You’re like those, those Aen Elle bastards, are you not? From another world I mean.” 

Geralt hums and nods in response.

“We’re searching for our Jaskier,” Ciri explains and Geralt can practically feel by proxy the discomfort she emanates. Jaskier is her friend and in this universe, he’s her father. Again.

“I see,” Jaskier sighs, “I apologize for yelling at you both.”

“That’s fine,” Geralt says, “An honest mistake. Has happened before.”

“Sooooo…” Jaskier rocks on the balls of his feet, “Can I have the leshen? And perhaps help out with this other me business? What am I like in your world? Are we together? Did we claim Ciri via the law of Surprise two times? Is Yenna with us? How does the whole universe shabang work?”

Ciri chuckles, “He’s a lot like our Jaskier, isn’t he Geralt? Except for the witcher part of course.”

Geralt nods, “Except for the witcher part. And the marriage. And having a nickname for Yen?”

“And I guess claiming me via the Law of Surprise, too,” Ciri adds.

“That too, yeah.”

“ _ Ruuuude _ !” Jaskier pouts, “Don’t ignore me. Although, you did  _ technically  _ answer some of my questions.

“Let’s go somewhere less…  _ swampy  _ and I promise we’ll answer all of your questions,” Ciri suggests.

“To Oxenfurt it is then,” Jaskier smiles brightly, revealing long canines.

* * *

The road to Oxenfurt is by no means long; barely a day's walk. This universe’s Jaskier is as chatty as their own, endlessly talking about this or that, everythings and nothings. It’s almost comforting. 

Ciri seems to be humouring the man as well, striking up vivid conversations and asking all sorts of seemingly random questions. 

It's almost nice seeing them like this.

Geralt asks the questions that have been plaguing his mind after some time, namely how this universe’s self and the bubbly albeit heavily scarred witcher got together. It’s more dramatic than he anticipated --he remembers the fight with the ghouls and the events leading to him finding his child Surprise vividly, although in this universe it seemed a freshly uncursed witcher Jaskier accompanied him on the way to the Sodden forest. And apparently, professed his love using ‘her sweet kiss’?

_ An odd song choice. But then again, who is he to judge what this world's counterparts decide to do with their lives. _

Geralt is curious what his heavily wounded self was thinking at that moment. But he guesses it’s not important for now. 

He also finds out from context that Yennefer is in a relationship with them both. Or is it casually fucking? He’s not sure. What Geralt is sure about is that the woman has the same role as Ciri’s mother figure in this world as well. And that’s a comforting thing. A familiar thing.

At the first little hovel, they come across, Jaskier assumes a serious ‘business’ face, as he calls it, (which looks quite menacing coupled together with the abundance of battle scars and heavy armour he dons) and goes to collect the payment for the spirit. 

He comes back with a heavy-looking pouch, a wide smile adorning his features, and with a ‘no time to lose, friends’ he guides them towards Oxenfurt.

Once they are in viewing distance of the city, Jaskier excuses himself and returns after a few minutes wearing a bright purple doublet with gold accents. It looks out of place on the rugged witcher but Geralt decides not to comment on it. 

And it’s a good thing he doesn’t. Because Jaskier smirks and pulls a ring out of a pocket in his doublet and wears it, tendrils of chaos enveloping him briefly.

Bright blue eyes, clear young skin and short-cropped hair. 

Fuck. 

“A glamour,” Ciri says, excitedly, “That’s a brilliant idea.”

Jaskier hums, the smile never leaving his features, “We’re, in a way, on a vacation; Geralt, Yenna and I. Now come along, we don’t want the gates to close and leave us in the dreadful outskirts of Oxenfurt for the night. And who knows, we might be in luck and find something about your Jaskier in town too.”

Geralt makes sure his gaze doesn’t linger for too long on the man before him. Doesn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable, after all. 

So he follows from a safe distance, and keeping a low profile, he lets him lead them into the bustling town of the Pontar. 

Which is exactly the same as their own. Not a brick different. Geralt glances around; Herb is on the smithy, going on with his business, Martha is selling alchemical components a little further down the street. This universe is too similar to their own and that makes something akin to dread fester in Geralt’s stomach. 

Fuck, he misses Jaskier, he misses their travels and drunken conversations. He misses his music. 

“We’re almost there,” he barely registers Jaskier say, too absorbed in the similarities and differences of this world. 

“What’s on your mind, old man?” Ciri nudges him affectionately with her elbow, breaking him out of this pattern of thoughts. 

Geralt hums. And at that moment he fixes his eyes on a man with long auburn locks, his skin spattered with millions upon millions of freckles, a big menacing sword in hand, closing the distance between them rapidly. There is no doubt he’s made them his targets. 

_ It’s astounding, amazing even, how similar this world is to their own.  _

Geralt unsheathes his steel sword, and Ciri does the same by the sound of it. He has no plans to kill the man, of course, especially in the middle of a big town like Oxenfurt but all the same, he’s not ready to put his life town over a petty hatred towards Witchers; because he’s certain that’s what this is about. 

And then something happens he did not expect. Jaskier jumps between them, hands up in a placating manner.

“Honey, put your sword down and I’ll explain everything,” the glamoured bard says, his voice quivering slightly. Geralt almost puts his own sword down when his mind registers that it’s not him Jaskier is referring to, but the unknown red-head. 

_ Honey? _

“What the fuck, Jules? Why did you bring two dopplers with you?” the man asks in a deep baritone voice. 

Geralt catches Ciri’s breath hitch and he glances towards her, seeing her eyes widen in recognition. 

“He’s this world’s version of you,” she says, her voice barely a whisper. That- that can’t be. From what Jaskier told them he’s a witcher here as well. Except… He must be using a glamour too. Like Jaskier. 

_ Is this a current trend? Wearing glamours? _

“Geralt, love, they’re not dopplers,” Jaskier breathes out, “They’re from a world much like our own and they’re searching for their Jaskier who... fell into a dimensional portal?”

“A portal collapsed on him, but essentially yes,” Ciri corrects him. 

“Oh,” Geralt’s counterpart says and lowers his sword, “Well that explains a lot.”

Before Geralt has the chance to ask what his counterpart means by that, he smells the telltale ozone of a portal opening and a quite distressed Yennefer emerges from it. 

She blinks her violet eyes a couple of times upon seeing them, her eyes drifting between the two Geralts. 

“I assume this chase of ‘Fogletskier’ you’re so sure you saw in the middle of Oxenfurt, during rush hour, is over, Geralt?” she says, fixing a pair of round spectacles on the bridge of her nose. 

“Fogletskier?” Ciri asks.

“Foglet Jaskier,” Geralt’s counterpart answers, “I saw a mirage, similar to a Foglet’s illusions, in the form of Jaskier earlier, shifting in and out of existence in the middle of the market.”

_ Could it be their Jaskier?  _ Geralt shares a look with Ciri.

“I still have doubts it was a Foglet,” Yennefer adds, “the chaos residue was too potent to be a beast, as I’ve been trying to get through your thick skull the past hour,  _ Geralt. _ ”

“Before you say anything stupid, I knew it wasn’t you,” Geralt's counterpart points at the fancily dressed bard. “And if what you say is true and those two are from another world…”

“Then that was probably our Jaskier,” Ciri finishes, her voice cracking ever so slightly. “Fuck, we’re so close Geralt.” Geralt grabs her hand on his own. They’ll get through this. They’ll manage to find their Jaskier. Maybe they can even catch him here -- if they are lucky. 

“How are you so sure it wasn’t me?” this world’s Jaskier inquires, “I may have been playing a prank on you both.” Which is an utterly ridiculous statement in Geralt’s opinion, as the man was very obviously hunting monsters. The smell can attest. 

“He looked slimmer than you.” Geralt’s counterpart points out and Jaskier releases an indignant offended noise. 

“Hey mister, how dare you insinuate--” Geralt can tell the bard-witcher is about to go off in one of Jaskier’s famous fake offended speeches, but he’s cut short from Geralt’s counterpart raising his hand to silence him. 

“You’re built like a war machine, Jask. He was built like a - a dainty human, no offence,” Geralt’s counterpart says. 

“How could you tell?“ Jaskier inquires, narrowing his eyes. 

“Oh for fucks sake, Jaskier,” Yennefer rolls her eyes, “We see you naked on the regular, we know what you look like.”

Ciri makes a puking noise, “I did not want to hear that,” she morphs her face in disgust, and Geralt pats her sympathetically on the shoulder. Neither did he. 

“Hm. I’ll allow it this time,” Jaskier says, crossing his arms, “Now, I believe our guests will want to rest?” 

Ciri looks at her pendant, which remains still, “I think we should search for Jaskier,” she says. “We’ve never been this close, before.”

“I agree,” Geralt says, “We should at least look around town for a bit. Might be able to catch him if he reappears again.”

“There hasn’t been a sudden spike of chaos in a while now,” Yennefer looks at them both, “It’s not a stretch to assume he’s already jumped into another world.”

“Still,” Ciri counters, “It won’t hurt to look around for a few more minutes. If he’s here I’ll be able to locate him. And if he isn’t…” she fixes her gaze on the ground and firmly shakes her head, “It’s not wise,” she mumbles to herself. 

“You think we should use the pendant and jump after him,” Geralt breathes out. It’s not a bad idea. Ciri can’t open a portal yet; she hasn’t had enough rest. And they do have the pendant for a reason. If they are lucky… If they are lucky they might find their Jaskier in the next parallel world. 

“I think we should,” Ciri affirms, “We’re so close, Geralt.”

“I know, Ciri. I know.”

“Then, this is where we say goodbye?” this world’s Jaskier chirps, a sad smile painted on his lips. “It’s been lovely meeting you both.”

Geralt’s counterpart grunts and nods. “Good luck,” he says. 

“I’ll help you look around,” Yennefer offers, “make sure if he’s left.”

“Thank you,” says Geralt.

They do not waste time and get to searching the lively town, looking for the chaos signature, Jaskier surely left. After a while, Ciri and Yennefer determine that Jaskier is no longer in this world and they bid their final audieus.

Ciri uses the pendant to open a portal, holds the swallowtail close to her heart and Geralt catches her whispering a wish to find  _ their  _ Jaskier this time. To catch him before he disappears again. 

Geralt’s wish is far simpler; he wishes to be spared an encounter with the Watcher again. He has an awful gut feeling that it will take them far longer to find their Jaskier. 

The portal opens and they step though, their wishes close to their hearts. 

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all this collab is amazing and if you're here because you stumbled upon this piece at random I highly recommend you check the rest of the works. The writers are absolutely fantastic and I'm honoured to be collabing with them <3
> 
> Anyhow, I hoped you liked this rather humourous attempt :)


End file.
